Barriers to Leaving

• Family background

• Societal messages
– “Men are in control; you have no choice but to obey."
– “A woman’s place is in the home."
– "A woman stands by her man, no matter what."
– "Marriage is for life; children need a father and mother."
– "It’s the woman’s responsibility to hold the marriage together."
– "Divorce is a personal failure."

• Moral dilemmas

• Theological dilemmas

• Fear: it keeps people from seeking change.

• Staying is a known condition; leaving is an unknown.

• Fear of revenge

• Dependency

• Emotional: it keeps pulling people back.

• There are mixed messages: a love-hate feeling.

• Economic: any loss of income will alter their standard of living. Most people cannot afford the loss of income.

• Learned helplessness
– When someone is repeatedly abused, they begin to believe they can do nothing to stop it.
– The abuse continues despite their attempts to stop it.
– They become passive and depressed and feels powerless to control their life.
– They give up and loses their ability to think ahead and make plans for their safety.

• A person loves their partner. They live for the "good times" in between the abuse.

• A person hopes their partner will change. After the battering occurs, they talk, the abuser says they're sorry, and the victim is sure they’ll change.

• Denial is a defense mechanism to ignore the reality of a situation or the need to leave.
– “My partner didn’t mean it.”
– “My partner was under pressure from his job.”
– “My partner's father used to beat them.”
– “My partner needs understanding.”
– “My partner had a little too much to drink.”
– “My partner promised me they wouldn’t do it again.”
– “My partner loves me.”

• Lack of support. Without support from friends, family, co-workers and community resources, people often stay trapped in abusive relationships
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